I never imagined that my marriage prospects would be so complicated because of building a life around Instagram. I am a 27-year-old, living in chennai, managing collaborations, creating content every day, and caught up with life so much around social media, that now when my relatives ask me “when do you plan to get married?” I dread my life. Everything in my life probably looks perfect for someone who wants to start out as an influencer, travelling, fashion, brand recognition, follower base, etc., but what they dont see is behind all these filters and content lies a constantly confused soul. Now that I have a well-sorted after career, my only worry isn’t about marriage, it’s about who I am supposed to marry. As a Mudaliyar community member, caste has always played a significant role and is a constant conversation you can’t avoid. Although it’s not very openly acknowledged, my parents do hope that I find someone from my caste and “settle down”. They are still in the process of accepting that I have a very well-established online presence and that when I marry, I want to continue to pursue this. It’s a hefty task to find somebody willing to accept that their better half will be online constantly and consider this a primary job.
They even suggested I register on mudaliyarkannalam.com, a matrimonial site dedicated to our community. And while I understand where they’re coming from, I can’t help but feel a little boxed in.
Dont get me wrong, I’m not against traditions or cultures, I love where we come from, I’m well-versed with all of our rituals. I speak fluent Tamil and celebrate Pongal with my family every year; I even draw the attention of my followers to these customs and traditions. But that being said, I dont understand the concept of love must happen within the caste, it’s hard to digest for me. What is the person I connect with who isn’t a Mudaliyar? Or what if the person who respects me, understands my career, and supports it, is from another background? These questions have haunted me for quite some time.
Many people would say that dating is a great option to figure out who is compatible with me and understands my life. But as a public figure, it’s hard to date or even go out to meet someone for a coffee chat. People notice a lot, why I went out, who I go with, even when I dont post. Although my work is about my life, I think it’s necessary to draw boundaries around it. And if I share too much, it’s gossip for people. If I stay quiet, people have the space to assume things. Either way, I’m always the one in trouble in such situations, so I make sure to remain neutral. And on top of that, if we add the caste expectations, the pressure is definitely unbearable.
And for influencers who are women, like me, there’s always an unsaid rule that you should avoid few content after marriage, not to post bold pictures, or not to outshine your husband. The worst part is, they dont even appreciate it if you earn more than your husband, which is ridiculous. All of the efforts that I put in for so long, just for it to be avoided later, that’s not something I look forward to.
I know that I’m not alone here, I’m pretty sure many young women like me are every day fighting the world to balance personal ambitions and family expectations, it’s not an easy task. It’s about identity, freedom, the future we want to have, not just the marriage part. There are days I just want to give in to my parents’ expectations, maybe I’d find someone decent on a site like mudaliyarkannalam.com and settle down quietly. Other days, I feel, its better to look for someone who genuinely gets me, forget the damn caste.
Maybe I’ll figure it out eventually. For now, I’m still creating, still growing—and still hoping that when the time comes, I won’t have to choose between love and being myself.